Hola ~

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been super busy and lazy. Will do one later tonight!

Stuck in reverse

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been so caught up with trying to get my body used to going back to school after taking a semester off.

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This is by far my favourite cover.

Because that shit cray

The worst part of is that when you realize no words or actions can stop the bleeding. You try to plaster it up with everything you've got but eventually it still erupts on you. Like a bladder full of pee. It just has to come out - whether you like it or not. 

& right now, that's the cry of my heart. 

It frustrates me so much because i have absolutely no reason to be unhappy. Do i really need every aspect of my life to be perfect before i'm absolutely contented. And at what cost am i willing to pay till it becomes the exact way i want it to be. 

I never ever learn my lesson. That's what frustrates me. 

Dance the Pain Away

I'm tired.
I'm tired of always trying to be the bigger person in the house. I'm so tired of trying to pretend that i'm not affected by all of this.  I'm so tired of trying to watch my actions so that i don't make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I try.
I try my outmost best to be accommodating. I always try to shove my feelings aside so that I won't create a scene. I try to share my space and my things.
I am trying my best.

But sometimes, I have a bad day and I am slightly less patient and tolerant. & BAM. Everything suddenly becomes my fault. I suddenly become selfish, spoilt and difficult.
It's just a bad day and all i want is to just shower when i feel like showering and not have to line up to use the bathroom.

But it has never occurred to anybody how all of this affects me. How the entire situation is taking its toll on me. Because all this while i've always been the one compromising and making sure that i put myself nf all of your shoes before i make a scene and handle it maturely. But nobody has bothered to ask me if I'm actually ok with things or is there any other way we can do things so that nobody has to be the one who has to compromise all the time.
Nobody.

At the end of the day, all i get is a "what to do?", "it's just temporary", "just try to bear with it". Sounds easy huh. That's because you are not the one who has to accomodate and sacrifice.
I am.

I am so tired of putting a mask on whenever I come home. I am so tired.

Three Questions

" What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.
It was like being exhumed, I answered. And brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.
It was like being seen after perpetual darkness, I replied.
To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow.
There was a long pause before i responded.
It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - said all ll at once. "

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Woke up to a wave emotions and i'm left clueless. The aftermath of being under so many different kind of medications it makes you a bit wonky. I hope i get better soon. In the meantime, have a good saturday erryborrryyy.

The little creatures in my head

I live for bedtime. Not because it marks the end of a tiring work day but because during these few hours of  blissful unconsciousness and occasional intermittent insomnia, i escape reality and for once know that everything is gonna be alright.
I live for bedtime. Especially when it's with you. Because during these few hours of blissful unconsciousness and occasional intermittent insomnia, our bodies touch. You would snuggle up tight and i would wrap your hand over my fist and i would feel completely enveloped and safe.
I live for bedtime. Because i know when the morning comes, the very first thing i would see is your face and your arm around me. That 10-15mins where i would be blanket over your chest is  the very best part of my day.
And then, the day starts.

It was pouring and the sense of vulnerability overwhelming me was not at all unexpected. Just like how dark clouds appear before a thunderstorm. I felt claustrophobic and jittery. It was a horrible feeling. I was lost and I don't know why. After a few hours, the rain stopped and i realized that it was the uncertainty of things that made me voluntarily cripple myself. The very fact that the second half of this year leading to 2014 is going to be so different scares me. I am not brave enough.

And so, i wait for bedtime because i know during those few hours of blissful unconsciousness,  everything is gonna be alright.

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Retrospective

So another sunday without my bunny makes it more depressing. But nonetheless i had such a blast during the weekf rom Mj, Dominos, Monster's university and brunch with CZ and friends (which i failed to take pictures cause we were so hungry and hot).

I've been feeling slightly under the weather the past week. Maybe due to the haze and the awakening of my periodic hormones, i've been feeling so grumpy and just... meehh. Hopefully the coming week would be better. On a happier note, i finally gave my bunny his checkout gift. I couldn't wait. I suck at keeping surprises to myself.

Love seeing his face light up every time i attempt to do something for him. Makes everything worth it. 

Result of being too bored at work.